Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a real blessing. (TEV: Psalm 127: 3)
I might be getting a little ahead of myself with this post being that SJ is only 10 months old, but her future is always on my mind. Especially in our world today. One thing that I always pray for, is that DJ and I will be good role models for her, in all ways, but in what to strive for in a relationship especially. In my post How to Serve Your Husband in a “Feminist World” I talked about why I serve my husband, and how it actually embodies what feminism truly is about: equality.
When people hear “serve your husband,” they automatically picture an obedient wife who does as she is told and waits on her husband hand and foot. But that isn’t what serving your husband is, even though that’s what society wants young women to believe it is. Serving your husband is not being his waitress, it’s being his wife. And that is what we need to teach our daughters, and here are the 5 ways you can start doing so today.
Start the Day She is Born, or As Soon as Possible
Kids are impressionable and take in every, single, thing. Whether you think they are watching or not. It’s honestly incredible. Just think back to your own childhood and remember more than just moments, but rather how you view your parents now because of how they made you feel then. Chances are, that will stir up a lot more than trying to remember a specific moment in time. Now I’m not a psychologist by any means, but I’m pretty sure my husband and I’s relationship now will impact our daughter later in life. It matters now, because how can you really pinpoint that moment in time when it starts?
You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother’s womb.
(TEV: Psalm 139: 13)
Be a Role Model, Both of You
I want SJ to see me always being there for her father when he has a bad day, even if I have too. I want her to see he and I be goofy together. I want her to see me making him supper after he’s been at work all day providing for us. I want her to see me loving her father no matter what.
In seeing that, she will see me serving her father. But she will also see this; she will see her father always being there for me when I have a bad day, even if he has too. She will see he and I be goofy together. She will see him making me supper after I’ve been working all day providing for us. She will see her father loving her mother, no matter what. She will see her father serving her mother. Because he and I are equal, and that is what “feminism” is.
A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.
(TEV: 1 Corinthians 7: 4)
Encourage a Good Relationship Between Her and Her Father
Your daughter’s father, or father-figure, will be the first man in her life that she loves. He will be her role model to who she looks for in a husband. I know as a stay at home mom, I play a huge role in SJ’s relationship with her dad. She is with me all day, and I’m the one who gets up with her at night because DJ has to be up by 4 AM (if not earlier), which means that naturally, I’m the one she usually wants. Because of that, I always try to give them time to play, or let him console her when possible, because she needs to see just how much he loves her.
By doing this, she will build her relationship with him by being a loving daughter, it will get her ready to be a loving wife, because she will see that having a man in her life that she can rely on and also encourages her is a good thing. She will see a dad who will do anything for his daughter, a daughter will do anything for her dad, a man will do anything for his wife, and a wife will do anything for her husband.
I will give up whole nations to save your life, because you are precious to me and because I love you and give you honor.
(TEV: Isaiah 43: 4)
*I understand that this may be difficult for some for many reasons, and there are limitations to this such as if she does not have a father-figure in her life, so you must lead by example in these scenarios.
Talk to Her About It
If there is one thing I have learned about kids, it’s that they tell it like it is whether we want to hear it or not. Be like them, and be honest with your daughter. Leading by example is HUGE, but so are words. Talk to them about why you like to do things for your husband, and how he in return does the same (that equality thing is key here). Answer her questions honestly. By having conversations like this, it will put into her mind what a relationship SHOULD be like, and teach her to respect herself when boys do come into the picture.
She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. She speaks with a gentle wisdom.(TEV: Proverbs 31: 25 – 26)
Teach Her How to Serve God
Above and beyond everything, we should always serve God first. I want to encourage SJ to always serve God, and to focus on her relationship with him before she focuses on her relationship with boys. Something I wish I would have focused on in high school, but that will come in a future post. When we learn how to serve God first, it in turn prepares us to bring God into our relationship, and allow us to know how to serve our husband in the way God wants us to.
Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised.
(TEV: Proverbs 31: 30)
If there is one thing we should focus on when teaching our daughters how to serve their husband, it should be about showing them that we are equal to our husbands. Talking to her about how God hand picked her father for her mother, and in serving our husbands we are serving God. Serving isn’t about being treated as a lesser, it is about being treated – and treating – with love.